Finding Solace During Hard Times

And as I was driving home today, Spotify started to play the song for me. And it was such a fitting song because I was just like, yo, why does it feel so lonely? When you're going through some hardships, when you're going through challenges in your life, why do you feel so alone? And I want to preface this by today's conversation isn't a Kumbaya moment of just breathe it through and you'll be okay? No, that's not always the case. It may be the case for some, but it's not always the case. This isn't an episode on just have faith and life will be okay. I feel like so many of us are going through some stuff right now, and it feels hard, it feels lonely. It feels like crap. And we feel like we're literally been thrown into a room or a maze and it's pitch black, and we've been told to find our way out. And I don't know about you, but sometimes I'm like, why do I feel like I'm the only one going through this? But the reality of it is we are going through our own form of hardship that's unique to each and every one of us.

But what's not unique to us? That we're going through a hardship. Everyone's going through a hardship. Any person you can think of is going through our hardship. No matter how rich, no matter their ethnicity, their gender, their sexual orientation, everyone goes through hardships. That is our shared experience. That's one thing that every human goes through hardships and for our own good. For most of the part, I like to think. I like to think of things that have happened that felt hard and challenging have taught me something.

They've got me to where I am today. Doesn't mean I always enjoyed every one of them, because, no, I didn't. Because what I didn't enjoy is feeling that feeling of loneliness. And that often happens is because when we get into these moments of hardships, we're like, oh, well, no one should know. I can't tell anyone because what will people think about me? They'll think less of me. So we begin to withdraw. Sometimes it's because we were like, oh, I don't want to burden anyone. I feel embarrassed.

I feel ashamed of the situation. Or simply, honestly, because oftentimes hardships just are emotionally draining and we don't have the energy to share with other people. We don't have the energy to be around other people or to hear anyone else's hardship. So we withdraw. But the thing is about withdrawing is you're just exasperating. The feeling of loneliness that comes with hardships. And it's hard because we feel like no one's going to get it. My hardship is so unique.

And it is unique. It's unique to you. But the empathy that a lot of us can have when we are able to express and connect with other people around this topic of hardship is that we've all been through something, but this is perception of a lack of empathy that someone would have. That, again, keeps us in this withdrawal moment of not wanting to share where we are, or we feel like we need to compare what we're going through with someone else is going through. And then that's the last thing. Because what I'm going through is different than what you're going through. And one's not better or worse than the other. A hardship is a hardship.

There is no award for. This is my. You get the award for the best hardship of 2024 January. No, there's no award. There's no comparison. This comparison can only amplify these feelings of feeling lonely because we're comparing from one, from the other. Oftentimes when we're comparing, we're saying, well, oh, what I'm going through is not as hard as what someone else is going know. Ava is going through a divorce, and she has two kids.

One is autistic, and she's having problems financially with other things. Whereas I'm just going through this hardship of the fact that I'm feeling lonely because I'm not dating someone. I'm feeling lonely because it's winter and I don't have a car, whatever it is. But we start comparing the difference between what we're going through and what someone else is going through, and then we minimize our feelings, we minimize the emotions that we're going through, and that just makes us feel more and more alone. And I hate that feeling. I hate the feeling that I've allowed myself to feel. And I felt like, oh, my God, I feel I can't tell anyone what I'm going through. And so I've kind of moved away from things and moved away from people.

And it's funny because part of this song talks about hardship can be easy, or there's ease with hardship. And I was just like, sure, there's no ease with hardship. There's no ease with hardship. And I thought about it, I was like, okay, he doesn't talk about it. He talks about faith and having hope. And I was like, yeah, no, what I can say that helps ease the hardship is being able to acknowledge that you have it, rather than denying it or fighting against it, which I'm notorious for, because I can think of something right now that I'm like, yeah. I keep trying to act like, and I'm not even not keeping it away from other people. I'm keeping away from myself.

I'm denying that it's there. I'm like, if I deny that I'm having this hardship to myself, maybe it will just resolve itself. Maybe it will just go away on its own. And I know that to be not the case, but I know when I'm able to acknowledge the feelings that I'm able then to move through something, because if you don't acknowledge something, it's really hard to move through something and also goes back to seeking that support. I get that it may feel embarrassing, it may feel shameful, but finding someone, not necessarily to ask advice for unless that's what you want. But sometimes it's really powerful just to be able to verbalize this, to say, hey, I don't need you to do anything. But listen to me, because I just need to get this out. I just need to have this vibrate into the universe that this is what I'm going through.

This is where I am. There's power in that vocalization of going to things and reaching out, honestly, is not a sign of weakness. It really is a step forward in coping in a better way, to get to a better place, which is what we all want, is to get to a better place. I know for me, what has helped harsh it feel, quote unquote, a little bit easier, is meditation. And I know I say this all the time. I make meditation breath work. It's everything. But I can tell you, five years ago, ten years ago, I've been like girl by.

I just didn't understand why people will always talk about how meditation was such an amazing thing. It didn't make sense to me until I really started doing it and I was like, yo, this stuff really works. This stuff really works. It has shifted my mind and how I show up and how I'm able to move through challenges quicker. And so I feel like the infomercial behind it. But, yo, all I can tell you is it works. Now I understand why people would say these things, and so maybe that's not for you, but finding something that works for you, maybe it's a hobby. Maybe it's taking a walk.

Well, it's a little cold outside for most of you, but whatever it is, find something that can help you, bring you some joy, some relaxation. Something that help you can be in the present moment and that will help you reduce your anxiety. Whatever it is. I just needed you to know today that you're just not alone. I needed you to know that you are not alone. That's what I got for you today. I hope this helps. I mean, I know sometimes it may not give you any solace to hear that you're not alone.

Maybe some of the ways that I've gone through, easing through some of the challenges I've gone through will help. But my wish for you is that you feel that you're not alone. It's interesting. So, the beginning of the song. I didn't start with the beginning of the song because part of it was like, bs. It starts off with this part which says. What does it say? We might not know which way to go and you might stumble, trip and fall but if you have faith you'll make it through it all. You will.

You got to believe you'll make it through. You got to believe you'll make it through. You got to believe we'll make it through. I can't believe in everything, but what I can believe in, and what I hope you can believe in, too, is that you will make it through this. You've made it through so many other hardships and challenges in your life. You will make it through this. And it's the belief that belief that you can make it through. And maybe that's the faith that he's talking about.

I guess it is faith. I'm like, WHOOP. Guess I do have faith. I don't know the answers to everything and I don't know the answers to help you. But what I do know is that, a, we're not alone and b, we're going to make it through this. We got this. Not because you're resilient, because we weren't meant to stick in these situations. We're meant to get through them and continue growing.